Welcome to Sadia’s Ramadan Learning Series, which offers micro-lessons for a joyful Ramadan. Thanks so much for your engagement and learning along with me! I am learning so much from the comments, so thank you for sharing your thoughts with me.
Here’s what I have so far:
Pre-Read: Ramadan: A Guest That Stays a Month.
Lesson 1: A Small Intention
Lesson 2: 3 Levels of Fasting
Lesson 3: Sleep is a Gift
Lesson 4: What is your minimum?
Ramadan is when we strive to be the best versions of ourselves, but sometimes we are unrealistic about the change or transformation we seek. Maybe we should aim for the minimum effort we can make consistently each day. This was a novel idea, especially as I began to think of Ramadan as a boot camp for the rest of my life.
Ambitious goals for a (somewhat ambitious) mother of young kids look like this:
“I’m going to finish a khatam this month.”
“I’m going to the masjid every day!”
“I’m going to make congregational prayers every weekend with the kids!”
“I’m going to accept and reciprocate every single dinner invitation!”
“I’m going to wrap Jummah gifts and treats for the kids every Friday and have an awesome lesson plan for the weekends when we can get deep into Al-Ghazali’s Book of Knowledge.”1
These goals do not materialize, despite my intentions and desires.
I don’t even think I pulled out my kids’ Ramadan activity binder from last year, which means I did little planning this year. I store-bought all the activity books, put them in a box, and said, “Please finish these in 30 days.”
My eldest decided to fast, which I did not expect, so each morning at 4:30 AM I fry eggs, bacon, and parathas. I have her overnight oats and fruit ready. Sometimes I make smoothies. I take the responsibility of her little body fasting very seriously. All the other “fun activities” are secondary to making her fasting easy and memorable while she goes to school.
I’m learning to approach my Ramadan goals with curiosity and hope, rather than self-judgement and self-recrimination. This is a work in progress.
It’s day 5 and I have yet to step inside a masjid, whereas most years I never miss the first night, the feeling of being in the first row. This year I accept my limitations and am curious about the possibilities I typically am quick to reject outside of this month.
Instead of lofty goals that fall apart by weeks 2-3, I try to maintain a minimum action plan. There are 3 things I try to do every single day. Writing on substack is one task (thanks for reading!) The other two tasks will be forthcoming posts.
Even on my worst days, I know that I can hit my minimum. Even if I am solo parenting, I know without help I can still hit my minimum. So long as I am consistent, I am content with my effort. There may be days when I do a lot more, and that’s great, but I am tracking the consistency of my actions over a long period of time, not the big-picture goals.
Long-term habits are built on incremental shifts rather than sudden, drastic changes. I’m more interested in the sustainability of my actions.
I do remember one year I made a powerpoint on Ramadan for the kids. Their reaction: “Why did you do this Mama? You could just tell us a story.” Some Ramadans, I hosted big parties for the kids. Many, many Ramadans ago, when all I had was work and a spouse, we made it to Isha prayers every night. That’s not my current season.
Anyway, sometimes the goals become more about our own ego, and less about the love and connection we feel to the Creator. I am definitely someone who gets lost in my sticker charts, and forgets the real meaning is not getting the most stickers.
It is about the actions and behaviors that I can sustain after this month.
A Question or Two for You
Do you have a minimum behavior or action you’re tracking this month? Do have a more sophisticated tracking chart than the one I printed off the internet, decorated with dinosaurs and construction truck stickers for my kid? Why do you think women “overdo” it as moms or women? This is a deeper, harder question. Let’s meet in the comments!
Oddly enough, doing less with excellence is a concept I learned from my spouse. He says: “I will go to one store this week, you can pick which one is most important.” “We can do one house project this year, which one do you want to prioritize?” “The kids can only do 1 activity this season, pick 1 thing.” Our approach is NOT the norm for our circle. It helps that we are on the same page, after 18 years of marriage.
Here’s an example of a reward chart for the Chief Finding Officer of our household, my child who was potty training at the time.
I worry I am from another planet.
You are definitely not from another planet. This year, I knew my Ramadan would be different and difficult because I was going into it with an extremely heavy heart. I had a lot of guilt (still do) at my inability to do anything tangie for the people of Filasteen.
So, I told my husband I wouldn't be cooking the usual iftars as previous years. I would cook like I always do and spend the rest of the time with the kids or, quite frankly, resting.
Instead of focusing on completing a reading of the Quran, I am focusing on memorising a few short surahs and reflecting on them. I involve my kids by having them test me.
In th3 afternoon we watch a lecture together and that's it. I hope we can continue this past Ramadan so we can all grow together spirituality.
JazakAllah khair for sharing :)
Thank you for this reminder! This Ramadan, I made it a goal to read at least one Juz a day so that I can finish reading Quran before Eid, and I'm surprisingly on track. I haven't been able to fast yet, but (inshaAllah) I am hoping to start tomorrow. For my children (4 and 1.5), I am having them practice sabr until Maghrib to open their advent calendar treat and read their 'good deed of the day.' My 4 year old is also learning a new surah this Ramadan. I also want to learn more about our Prophets (PBUT) and their stories but no pressure to 'learn it all' before Ramadan is over. I still have a ton to learn, but I am giving myself grace. Ramadan Mubarak to you and yours!