Confession:
I have a guest staying with me for a month. Not a day or two, or a week. But she’s staying an entire month.
Her name is Ramadan.
Ramadan is gracious, gentle, and kind. She makes no demands. She brings gifts. She eats 2 meals a day. The first meal is suhur around 5 AM (DST) and her next meal iftaar is around 7 PM DST. She’s fastidious about timing. She doesn’t ask for any snacks or water. She fills her time with salawat, Quran, and extra prayers during the day, and at night she goes to the mosque for communal prayers for a few hours. She doesn’t sleep much.
It’s not easy to ignore Ramadan because her presence is everywhere in my home: the decor, the countdown calendar, the sounds of melodious recitations, the scents of bahkoor, the “nice” prayer mats permanently laid out in the living room. My kids love the curtain lights and the balloons and camping tent which serves as an itikaaf tent. My walls are decorated with hand-made artwork and DIY decor only a child could love. The kids think it’s a month-long sleepover party when Ramadan is here.
But outside of my house, no one knows Ramadan is here. I live in America, where the markers of this month are sparse. Maybe the Trader Joe’s has a display? Or Target? Ramadan does not live in commercial storefronts. In American culture, there are no movies, or media that Muslims consume to “get into the spirit of Ramadan.” There’s no Hallmark channel for Muslims. Mariah Carey does not sing about Ramadan and there are no songs that mark the mood.
There’s a communal feeling that is unique.
I know it’s Ramadan based on the celestial movement of the moon. The physical sighting of the moon is the most important marker that Ramadan has arrived. And each year the date changes, as everything changes too. The adjustments we all make based on the environment is profound. I never quite know exactly when Ramadan is coming or when it’s here. The uncertainty and mystery surrounding Ramadan is a fact. There are no guarantees for this month.
Ramadan has a big presence in our family’s daily activities. She changes everything. Even the mundane act of making dinner and cleaning up has more significance because Ramadan makes routines more special. Family dinners with extended family become the norm whereas most nights, family dinners are rare and special. Weekly dinners with community members, with friends, and worshippers are the norm. Some masjids feed 5,000 people a night, thanks to donations from people like you and me. Everyone is so intent on multiplying their deeds, that there’s never a question of how all these people will be fed. Millions of dollars are raised globally for various causes that help the ummah. There is a collective effort to be kinder, better, and more generous than we think we’re capable of.
Ramadan is a time when things that seem impossible, become possible.
Normally, going without water or food for 12-14 hours a day seems hard. Not following desire in general feels hard in modern society. Yet, some 1.9 billion people observe the ritual of fasting. Even Muslims in Palestine without food, or water, living in Rafah camps, with airstrikes and bombs falling from the sky, will fast.
The impossible becomes possible during Ramadan.
Ramadan is the month that the Quran was revealed to the Prophet Muhammad (S) and the book is the primary miracle that Muslims all over the world hold in their hands and hearts. Muslims abstain from food, water, and desire during the day, and by going without “the basics” the idea is that we can reach a different level of consciousness by the end of 30 days. But the main touchpoint is the Quran.
There’s a deliberate intention that begins the month. The fast is an act of worship. It is not something that feeds the ego. It is about upholding a responsibility, taking time to connect with God’s words, trying to be present, and simply cutting out the noise, consumerism, and waste that is naturally part of the modern environment. This year, I am going to digitally fast from Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. I didn’t have much of a presence to begin with, but I don’t need those spaces. It is about doing something beyond “me, myself and I” and feeding the algorithm, which knows my ego’s preferences.
Writing Life & Ramadan
Since last year’s Ramadan, I made 1 big change to my life: I wrote and published consistently.
Last Ramadan, amid the controlled chaos of my life with young kids, I asked for an opening for my writing. And I got accepted into this fabulous online writing school called Write of Passage. The last ten nights, between 2-hours of extra prayers at the masjid, and everything else, I found myself drafting essays, going to writing gyms, and connecting with writers from all over the world. WOP opened up my world in a profound way, and getting a scholarship to be a part of WOP allowed me to share the benefits of writing online beyond my immediate circle. I wrote about my identity as a Muslim woman, a mother, and what I’ve learned from Sufi teachers along the way. Writing has opened up other opportunities that did not exist before, like the possibility of my own business. This is something I considered impossible a year ago, and today is the reality.
The special thing about fasting is it’s done in secret. No one knows! No one knows if you kept your promise to fast. It’s a private act.
But writing online is as public as it gets. If I make a promise online, it’s public. I hesitate to make any claims online but I am going to try another experiment.
It seems impossible any other time of the year, to go without eating and drinking and desire but during Ramadan, this is possible. Not just possible, but mandatory. There’s a willpower that comes from having high intentions, doing something for the sake of something else, that doesn’t rely on systems or the ego itself.
This will be a very different Ramadan because the global community is hemorrhaging. But also, I am in a unique position this year. We are all in a unique position this year, to be able to make the most of the next 30 days, whether we are observing the fasting or not, whether we have health conditions or not, we have a unique opportunity to do something good.
May all the people around the world suffering find peace, comfort, and ease, and become stronger.
This was such a beautiful reflection on Ramada, Sadia. It is one of the traditions I admire the most having seen the willpower of many Muslim friends. Thank you for sharing!
I love this reflection. Ramadan Mubarak Sadia!
I resonate and connect with so much here (including the intensity of fasting, prayers, and WOP last year 😁). It's a unique Ramadan experience this year, traveling in Malaysia. It's so cool to be somewhere where the holy month is so present. Simultaneously, this is a time of year I'm typically with my family, and it feels funny not to be with them during this time.
Thanks for writing this wonderful reflection, now I'm thinking to write my own!